トムの祖国復帰

tom: "we are gathered here today t- "

everyone else in tom's life: "shove it, windbag! we're here about the blog!"

tom: "yeah, ok. i'm sorry i haven't been updating it. you see, i've got so muc-"

everyone else in tom's life: "no more excuses, kain. we've surfed over to your miserable blog every day for like three weeks, and we get nothing. all of our hard work - it doesn't pay off. come on. life can't be so demanding that you can't even put a little message or two on this site. something to keep us up-to-date, at least."

tom: "you mean, like, 'today is december 2nd. you are now up-to-the-date.'?"

everyone else in tom's life: "yeah, exactly. silly us; we're always forgetting what the date is."

tom: "oh. ok. i'll be sure to do that more often."

everyone else in tom's life: "but more importantly, we want to know what you're up to! you're halfway around the world, probably doing things that are a lot more interesting than what we do every day..."

tom: "well, now that you mention it, i made an open-faced peanut butter sandwich today..."

everyone else in tom's life: /jaws drop in unison

everyone else in tom's life: "tell us more! this is the stuff we want to hear! PEANUT BUTTER IS THE BOMB DIGGITY! AND BECAUSE YOU MADE IT OPEN-FACE MAKES IT SATURATION BOMB DIGGITY!"

tom: "ok, and i bought a new winter coat, and i almost got tickets to a fountains of wayne show that i heard about really short notice, and i'm coming home to minnesota on the 21st and staying until the 7th of january, and my girlfriend bought a plant for me and i'm caring for it and it's growing green and strong, and-"

everyone else in tom's life: "you're lying."

tom: "no, i'm really coming home on the 21st and leav-"

everyone else in tom's life: "no. not that. the plant. you could never care for a plant - you would always be forgetting it. we weren't born yesterday, man. your botany blows."

tom: "fine. it's dying. you got me. but seriously - i am coming home on the 21st of december and leaving on the 7th of january. that's about 18 days of tom in minnesota!"

everyone else in tom's life: /jaws drop in unison

everyone else in tom's life: /some vomit

everyone else in tom's life: /joe sery pees own pants

fin

well, that's how the scene goes in my imagination. when i was writing the dialogue, i was thinking that everyone was standing inside some kind of old dude's study and i was sitting behind a desk smoking a pipe. and there was some singing and also some bowing. then i realized i was making myself the leader of a cult and i stopped thinking that way.

but it really is true. i will be coming home to minnesota on the 21st of december. i want to hang out with everybody. i'm really excited and thus i have little motivation for school right now. but i'll be fine. i will be at home during my 18 days, so you know where to find me.

if anyone was thinking about buying me an ipod for christmas, save your money. i bought myself one as a reward for getting a small scholarship. so basically i used scholarship money on something pretty trivial. oops. but it really keeps me happy during train rides. an hour on the train from 7:50 to 8:50 in the morning every day really sucks without music. i invite anyone to try it.

the title of today's post reads "tomu no sokokufukki," which means "tom's return to the fatherland." i could have used a simpler kanji and said "tom's homecoming," but i decided on the fatherland one because it sounded more nationalistic, and as everyone knows, i am the most nationalistic person in the world.

U --- S --- A!

take kare,
tom