words that rhyme with month, things that taste better than peanut butter, reasons for the picture below, and other things that don't exist

(above: me and my buddies getting ready for school!)

all,

it has been quite a long time since i last wrote on this blog. a lot has happened. let me give you the top five events of the past month and a half.

1. my computer broke (and apparently my comrade's did too), leaving me musicless, movieless, and essentially cut off from the world. taking a page from john kamman's book of computing, instead of trying to salvage my precious machine, i formatted it. then, i downloaded a free linux (open source) operating system called "ubuntu" and installed it. i think this change has put the days of mvp 2005 and civilization 4 behind me, but i've regained skype, all internet functions, and even have a free recording studio program. i had been a windows user my whole life, but i don't use windows anymore. my room is now very dark and poorly ventilated.

2. because of my switch to linux, i am able to tweak my internet connection and get around the mlb.tv broadcast blackout of japan, which means my beloved twins and i can share a few mornings of live baseball every week. this morning i saw johan strike out a few batters on the way to a 11-1 win. my prediction for the coming weeks: juan rincon and a prospect will be traded for ty wiggington.

3. i came within 10 feet of bruce willis. my friend won tickets to the red carpet ceremony for the opening of die hard 4 in tokyo, and, apparently because i'm white and thus must know and love every white-skinned actor man, she gave me one. i have never seen any of the die hard movies. the only time i'd ever seen mr. willis in a movie was pulp fiction. so when the visage of his smooth, sparkling scalp came into view, not knowing what else to say, i yelled "i loved you in pulp fiction! welcome to japan!" in my best american accent. he didn't respond, but i think one of his bodyguards may have looked my way. anyway, i got a free ticket to the movie out of the deal.

4. i am going to thailand. megu and i will be going to visit her dad (who has worked there for 3 years) for over a week in august. megu keeps telling me about the gay cross-dressers that will be courting me left and right. i still haven't exactly figured out why she keeps telling me, though, and that is a little unsettling. part of me thinks she wants me to fall into some kind of curry-fueled-mistaken-gender-life-altering-trauma experience. i'll make sure to post pictures.

5. my schoolwork, combined with a hectic work schedule, have made things pretty daunting. i've got to write one paper about a 1950s japanese modern art movement (i have never written anything about art), for which 90% of available background information is written in japanese. my second paper is about the development of the mormon church in okinawa (again, everything in japanese, including interviews i have to conduct). i've got book offers streaming in daily, i assure you. on top of schoolwork, i've got to pay the bills. to do that, i sell drugs and rap freestyle on the street. on top of that, i teach five separate people english lessons and work at the english chat lounge at bunkyo gakuin university. i am the english bodhisattva, leading the entangled towards enlightenment. englishtenment. englightenment.

transmission complete, suckaz.