now, for some characteristically japanese humility...

I AM THE CHAMPION, PAGANS! BOW BEFORE ME AND BATHE IN THE GLOW OF MY GOLDEN LOCKS, WHICH SHIMMER LIKE A FIERCE WILDFIRE - ONE NOT UNLIKE THE BLAZE WHICH WILL SOON SWALLOW EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU! MY MIGHT KNOWS NO BOUNDS!

yes, that is right. after two years of grueling sitting, standing, and tilting of my head, i have earned my place on the throne of the hair modeling world. in japan, i mean. well, in tokyo. be it though a small step, it is nonetheless triumphant. the above picture was taken the day before the tournament - i am halfway through the hair coloring process. do not mistake it for my actual competition appearance, which is:

my artificially-carved out beard is my favorite part. along with the sequins.

my hairstylist deserves all the credit, though. all i really do is exist as my white self. i wonder if i'll receive any death threats from the militant anti-foreign-model coalition.

ok, now for some japanese.

末席を汚す
まっせきをけがす
masseki wo kegasu

the literal meaning of this phrase and the meaning of its actual usage are quite different. here are the words: 末席　is masseki, and it means the "last" or "lowest-ranking" seat at a table. 汚す　is kegasu, and that means to "pollute," to "contaminate," or to "dirty." it's kind of hard to pollute a chair, so it's better to consider "dishonor even the lowest rank" the literal meaning of this phrase. guess when this is used?

at meetings. this phrase is commonly used when one attends a gathering of some official sort and wants to express modesty. in such a setting, it basically means, "excuse me. i know i am not even worthy of being in attendance here, but here i am" or "forgive me for getting in the way of your important business." in america, i doubt people would even consider thinking such a thing. they would probably say something cool like "let's get down to work, comrades," or "mind if i go to the bathroom quick?" but that doesn't sound very cool. i think we could all benefit from a little more modesty. even presidential candidates. if obama started saying things like "please don't elect me. i would not even be worthy of being a white house janitor, let alone the leader of the free world," i guarantee you he'd get elected.

next time i win a hair competition, then, i'll say "pardon me for soiling your terrycloth." all the japanese babes will love it and start trying to bow lower than me. hott action, i tell you. hott.