shakin' booty, making sweet love all the night

good evening! i am tom of blog-neglecting fame!

i have completed a new song: joe sery's title suggestion of "i'm with stupid and i'm alone."

i call it 80s disco, if there is such a thing. it's really simple, but hopefully it compels you to dance. i couldn't figure out how to fade out the whole song, so it just goes on and on. on. but i'm really proud of the synthesizer solo. and the synthesized horns. the lyrics make no sense whatsoever, but, hey, they've never been my strong point.

i have recreated my old, deleted, illegal myspace page, so you can download "take my pink slip" and "diabetes is diabolical," too. also, there's another new one called "anything for you," which i wrote for megu.

more later.

download "take my pink slip"

head over to http://www.myspace.com/makemeanalbum to download the full version of "take my pink slip."

wee!

the MAKE ME AN ALBUM project submissions are complete!

it's true!

the last spot was secured by joe sacksteder a few days ago. his submission: "cathaholic." check out the album listing to the right (where the submission form used to be). here's a little celebration for us all: SUSHI!


well, now that this is all over, i guess i should release the data/awards/interesting information.

the top ten best song titles i wish i could have used:
1. CHECK OUT MY STATUS (casey peterson)
2. At The End of the Most Recent Harry Potter Book, Gandalf Dies (john kamman)
3. The Best Pentecost Ever (brian heilman)
4. Friendshipover.com (josh suckow)
5. Naked Megumi II (john kamman)
6. Seriously, I'm Really Excited For Breakfast (joe sery)
7. I'm A Cereal Man (chris nolan)
8. And That's Why I Hate the Cherokee (dan h.)
9. The Disadvantages of Chili (eric stinson)
10. Slip Her The Tongue (mitchell johnson)

total number of submitters: 34

most submissions: dan h.,, with 79 - or 25% of all submissions

most common "key" submission: f - 59 times, or 19% of all submissions

longest title submission: when I was a little kid, my older brother told me that i would turn into a girl at the age of 16. Years later, when I passed the age at which my gender was supposed to switch, I joined the hockey team and immortalized the number 16 by playing with it on my back every game. It is still my favorite number. (john kamman)

shortest title submission (tie): four characters (eric stinson's "S/He" and dan dooher's "guam")

number of times jesus was mentioned: 4
number of times porcupines were mentioned: 2

percentage of submissions made from outside the united states: 19%

percentage of submissions made by females: 17%

percentage of my family that made submissions: 60%

song titles suggested more than once by the same person: 1. pepper - the everyman spice (joe sery). 2. casual casualty (joe sacksteder). apparently they really wanted these to be song titles.

top five most depressing joe sery submissions:
1. I Wish I Could Forget About The Time You Destroyed My Life
2. Weddings Make Me Lonely
3. I Miss My Lice
4. I Love Girls Named Megan
5. I Hate Girls Named Megan

percentage of dan h.'s contributions that can be construed as sexual: 39%

percentage of dan h.'s contributions that are sacrilegious: 9%

percentage of dan h.'s contributions that insult minorities or the disadvantaged: 17%

well, that pretty much does it. if you have any questions, leave them in the comments.

i want to think everyone who participated. it was really fun getting these submissions every day, and now i have quite a challenge in getting all these songs done.

i don't really know what i'm going to do with the finished songs. it seems stupid just to keep you waiting for them; you might even forget about them. i'm considering just making everything available for download as soon as i'm finished. if i decide, i'll make a new post.

again, thanks.

tom

unveiling tom kain's MAKE ME AN ALBUM project

THE REASON: recently something has been brought to my attention. not just "brought" to my attention, i guess, but rammed into it repeatedly.

a while ago a friend told me that i should start making music again. i used to be quite a songwriter, they said. "you're wasting your talent, tom." who knows if what they're saying is true, but their advice certainly made me think. songwriting is fun, i thought. but i'm so lazy, and i have school. i also don't have a guitar. or a microphone. screw it.

fast forward to a brisk february evening in saitama, japan. you all there? good. i was with my girlfriend and her mother and we were singing cheesy japanese songs. i decided to sing the theme song to a show about a 14-year old mother and her tribulations. the program was called "14-year old mother." anyway, it's a pretty good song. my girlfriend and her mom looked at me and said "you're wasting your talent, tom." i thought what they were saying sounded pretty familiar, but i ended up just getting drunk on watered-down gin and tonics.

THE REALIZATION: fast forward another week. i get 2 messages on facebook saying "make some music." then i found out that john kamman released a cd, and brian heilman's having a cd-release show. i wish i could make it, but brian, just know that your show was the last straw for me. everyone is making something out of their talents except for me! i just sit around and play civilization on my computer! I MUST MAKE MUSIC!

however, i was pounded back into reality when i looked around my room and saw not one string of a guitar, not one cord of a microphone, not one hammer of a piano, not single shred of real music making machinery.

BUT THEN...

i went to the bathroom.

AND THERE...

i realized that my girlfriend's brother just bought a recording system! and i - i have the capability to illegally download recording software! i can make music! (that buildup was too dramatic).

THE SETBACK: however, i lack one really important thing: the very first strike of inspiration. as some of you know, fred savage and the unbeatables' "sloth man" would not have been written had it not been for jackie nelson's words of wisdom: "write a song called 'sloth man.'" basically, i can't write a song until someone makes me. i need your help, people. i need people to give me titles, and lots of them. give me something to work with.

THE RULES: i've created a little form in the sidebar of this page. it's under the title "THE MAKE ME AN ALBUM PROJECT." the titles of five songs will be taken from the submissions i receive. however, i won't select them, per se. i have chosen five important numbers. the first submission i receive will be number 1, and it will go up from there. the submissions that land on my chosen numbers will be the titles of my songs. also, the "letter from a to g" field will determine the keys of the songs. those will be chosen randomly.

the numbers:
1. 13 - the age at which i got my first electric guitar.
2. 65 - the number i won turkey bingo with when i was in grade school. in the "o" column, of course.
3. 91 - the year of the last twins world series championship.
4. 231 - the room in mary hall where "brian loves jackie nelson" (and many other songs) was conceived.
5. 315 - my blood sugar level the day i found out that i am diabetic (normal is 100).

so let's get those submissions rolling in, folks. after i have the first title, i'll write and record the song. stay tuned for more information.

if any of you think this is stupid and untrue to the creative process, well, screw you, because you're no fun.

PLEASE HELP ME, FOR I AM WEAK.